Sunday, April 30, 2006

Did you ever know that your my monica?

So I had no clue that I was. Did you know I'm Monica Vellula Geller Bing? I had no idea, apparently I am though. Now in the world of my super clean friend Duane I'm a Sanford and Son employee but to my dead friend Kara she gave me the gift of letting me pack her up on her last night at home before she moved in with a boy. Oh wait, no that was a friends episode. I did however clean like a bad ass motherfucker. I took over and was just downright scary as I led cleaning bonanza 2006 with kara's room. She now has twice the footpath her in her bedroom and she can spin around with her arms out now.
Damn it was a high and its just downright scary. I drove home later that night and took drugs for the hell of a workout I had that day. Now i have my own place to clean and not an ounce of energy. Ironic isn't it. Weekends at my place are not good for cleaning, they are good for napping...

Friday, April 28, 2006

The hey, I'm white shuffle +1

  1. Haiti – Arcade Fire
  2. Fortunate Son- CCR
  3. I think I smell a rat – White Stripes
  4. Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy
  5. Jerry the Junker – ASS
  6. Centerfold – j Giles band
  7. Rainy Day Women – bob Dylan
  8. Girl – Beck
  9. Labor Day – Black Eyed peas
  10. Vertigo – U2
  11. Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield

I was asked at a recent function if I was so young that I didn't know who Rick Springfield was... no i know who he is.... as both singer and young studly doctor.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

At the count of 3 if yo' down with me.

Couple of things, although I used to be very no idol watching Kara got me into this season. Can someone explain how Paris is still in and Mandesa isn't...

Second, saw Silent Hill last night. Didn't like it. Didn't get it without explaining and poor choice of keeping the same actor as father and then son pissed me off. Dude, its a movie with people who don't age how can you use the same actor to portray two characters. I prefer zombie movies, 28 days later, dawn of the dead etc.

Also, saw an article on Chernobyl today. Have you ever seen Chernobyl Heart? I can't even explain how it shook me when I saw it. I'm not even talking about the super insane mutations. Thats crazy in and of itself but the amount of people with thyroid and heart issues and get cancer was insane... 12 year olds and shit. Maybe I'm easily influenced but I find tv and movies effect/affect me alot. Hell even shows like Dead Like Me makes me think about things like life regrets and such. Next thing ya know I'll be crying over a Folder's commerical.
I saw a website linked with the article, beautifully done. Simple but bold.

I need to remember to put my bag of toiletries outside tomorrow night. Girlscout pick up for donations. I don't have much but I got rid of some things that eric bought and never used.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

For Duane and his love of Dick...and Jane

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Dude, whats the deal

I got ill Thursday Night, Friday Night, Saturday Night, Monday afternoon, Tuesday afternoon. I'm suposed to go out, I tried to call and cancel to no avail. I must have ebola or something....

Monday, April 24, 2006

I want you for your printer

Seriously, why does my ipod say candy girl by jackson 5. Some idjust obviously doesn't know new edition. Free downloads are free though so oh well.
I'm bloody tired. Riley and I need to talk. I don't know what crawled up his ass but the crying til I let him out to pee at 5:30, then crying to go out and poop at 6:09 and crying until my alarm went off at 7 is not acceptable. Seriously, no medical problems have been found but if i kill you, that will be a big medical problem.
How am I suposed to not be crabby and exhausted with that shit going on?
Also if one person reads you blog and you live with them, is there a point... yeah thats as deep as I can be today. Holy crap I can't express how not awake i am.
fuck fuck a duck I'm tired.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Housekeeping, Mindy Speaking

So i think i may take in a boarder. If she's willing to bend to my issues I think it should work out pretty well even if its just a summer camp deal or somethin'. Funny I don't want to tell my mom. Maybe i don't want to admit financial defeat because this was suposed to be a smarter more than renting but this sinking feeling is just hard. Heck the little I may charge may not make all ends meet still but with freelance and such I should hopefully be able to sleep better. Yeah I still am upping the meds I think... I hope i can just add and not switch totally.
Damn I'm tired, its hard to be a gangsta.

Slap that baby make it free...

Ah E is home, its a great trip, today I gardened like heck, read, relaxed, attempted to nap, brushed the dogs hair, went to dinner, got violently ill, did stuff, and now blogging.
I have realised how much I have missed music from lack of car and ipod. Ipod's back, car is new but needs a check up. I've got music, I've got rhythm, who could ask for anything more. Oh wait that would be me.
I'm attempting to push the freelance with the current client cause they are moving slow. I'd rather work harder for them then go and get a part time job. My mortgage is officially 50% of my earnings after taxes minus 80 bucks and then there are the bills (14%), car payment (12%), the meds (7%), food/household needs like teepee-detergent-deodorant, petcare, paying off my bathroom repairs, insurance, dr visits, and life. Scratch the last one, i don't think i can afford that. Thats what library cards and long walks in the park are for. I didn't realize how much my mortgage would jump after the first year and I sure as hell didn't plan on the car.
I'm going to the dr this week to up my meds but I do wonder how much my bad mood is work and money related. I have never not made ends meet before. There is no math I can do that will make it all meet. Well I could give up food for lent but I'm jewish.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Friday Shuffle - the I'm so embarassed edition

The friday shuffle plus and extra embarassing bonus....

  1. ABC – Jackson 5
  2. Mmmbop – Hanson
  3. Kids with Guns – Gorillaz
  4. Farewell Ride – Beck
  5. Tricky – Run DMC
  6. Teenage Dirtbag – Wheatus
  7. Headsprung – LL Cool J
  8. Mamma Mia – ABBA
  9. Underneath your clothes – shakira
  10. Afro Loop – Liquid Soul
  11. I don’t give a f-ck – Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Gone home for bitchiness

No, I'm not really going home. I wish. I am not a liked person. I 'm bitchy and socially inept. I'm the odd one, always, thank Judaism, thanks genetics, thanks raising. I can't change it. When I'm friendly at work they look at me like I'm nuts, when I'm not friendly it just escalates and I get bitchier and bitchier. I have a sense of superiority that is unfounded. I constantly feel that I am faced with incompetence and if I am, thats what I wish I'd be cause thats how you get ahead.

Little Acorns

My ipods really been on a White Stripes run. I think its shite that in the song lyrics for Little Acorns they don't inclue the shpeal in the beginning of the song.
I'm hella tired today from a well enduse lunesta night of sleep. It will even out in a few days. I swear its more potent at the beginning of a bottle. Don't worry I'm not driving in my sleep or peeing myself yet.
That is all, be like the squirrel girl, be like the squirrel.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Lady doesn't start with Mindy

So here are some pics from the trip. I spent a lot of time with Pickles and he enjoyed time with me. I could explain but you'd think I was nuts.
I also dyed my hair when i was home. When is styled my hair instead of the stylist i was looking too old. So here are some stylist hair pics, morning hair pic and all and all pure lady.
Oh yeah, I know I look just like my mom, don't tell me or I'll kick ya in the nuts.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Beware of Vampires and Matzah

Well I'm back in the STL. Flying freaks my shit out. Airports are common space for all walks of life, all the walks I like to ignore. I end up focusing on family dynamics. I see old people and relate them to my family. I see young families and realize I could be a mom of 2.
In the Philly Airport I get to play a game. Its called pick out the foreigners. By foreigners I mean literally that. People flying back to their respective countries. You don't get that in St. Louis. I gotta say, damn, Europe is Aryan. I swear the blonds I see flying off to Europe (after seeing passports or hearing them talk) are all sorts of blonder than the American version.
It took me forever to get checked in. I don't get the people who do the self check in thing but obviously need to talk to a check-in person. Like the couple going to a southern country with their 2 year old and 5 month old who wasn't born when they bought the tickets. Come on folks, think!
Obviously I wasn't thinking when I changed my seat to the A seat which meant I had no one on either side. I a) got a broken seat b) moved closer to screaming baby and c) forgot I can't sleep leaning to the left in a seat. Damn if I didn't try. I don't know what I was thinking. I blame it all on lack of coffee. Mom bought no milk so I had no coffee while home (creamer or whatnot wasn't available either.) It still being Passover means I won't eat anything outside of my house. I didn't kosher my house so I'm sorta eating out of a bag of food. Its very classy. Friday at work might consist of me drinking cups and cups of coffee and subsequently taking many a potty break. Especially if I've only been eating matzah if you get what I'm saying.
Back to the sleeping. I'm a tad odd. When I was younger I always slept with my neck covered. I figured if a vampire came to suck your blood they didn't want to wake you up ahead of time. If your neck was covered then obviously he wouldn't suck your blood. And by he only males can suck females blood, duh!
When attempting to sleep on the plane I don't sleep well if too much of my neck is exposed. I also feel like in certain positions my head may just snap off. Seriously. Heads are heavy... Don't ya just want to let loose and drop your head back on your chair or sofa that you're on right now. No, just me.. ah, okay...
Well Shady's back, it was a hard visit, they always are and doing it alone sucks. I'm a self reflector and watching my future in front of me doesn't help. Mom and I were talking about some family money that we won't ever see. Sure I called it future generations we won't know money fund but I think I ought to pitch the idea of the Fucking Zwickel Gene Dimensia Fund for Long Term Care. Grandma had it, her mom had it hence the Zwickel, Dad's starting it. Dad of course won't make a single future plan of his life but I informed my parents they are both going away for a long time... I mean..... I like the idea of the senior complexes, where you still have your own home and such. Mom and I discuss this stuff especially with the way Buby is now. Half the time she cries about being a burden and the other half is insanely screaming at the world. Why the burden half won't go to a facility where they could have constant companionship and more to do, I don't know. Because really the other idea of putting a bag on your head is much smarter.
Mom wants to make her future plans and such but since most of my dad's family is living in lala land and has drained my parents of most of their financial abilities thats not happening. Sometimes, like today, Dad and I have a better relationship. Other times he's a fucking idiot and an ass... Please, don't let me become my mom, waiting to live my life. Mr. I hate mom born in 1981 called so many times a day its insane.. He is to my mom what she was to her mom. I'm grateful to not be that dependent on anyone. Besides, he has no friends, mom has no friends, I at least have one. :P

Friday, April 14, 2006

My life, a tv movie...

So do you remember made for tv movies? The ones where Treat Williams plays a mentally handicapped man and Merdith Baxter is the mentally handicapped woman. They get married and have a kid who is normal. Yeah, thats what my life seems like. Besides all the insanity of older adult care and such we decided to go watch Ice Age 2. All the little kids talk to the screens and such... so does my mom.
I fear becoming my parents so badly it hurts. I think I used to not want kids cause then i couldn't turn into the incompetant adults whose adult children can't stand them. I spent 10 minutes explaining to mom that ray romano is the voice of the mammoth and although she doesn't watch everyone loves raymond she'd recognize his voice from the massive amounts of commericals. We tried to watch a taped episode of CSI last night. Like everything else we watch I spent most of the time saying, wake up mom, wake up.
I feel like singing about this not being my beautiful wife (husband), kids or house....

Its not truely a vacation..

until suicide is threatened. Oh yeah, buby she really can stay alone in her house. I'm ready to hand my mother time and a half money to pay the helped for Easter.
Excuse me as I sleep this trip away.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Damn you

Damn you Discovery Health, I can't turn you off. I wish you were a little less whorish in the ABC Ty manner but there is some interesting information to be learned. I think a little less intensity emphasis on multiple people and repeating their stories could go to just more intense information about the surgeries.
My coworker is getting a Bernese Mountain dog. Eric and I love them. Someday we'd like one. My coworker called to let me know they have another dog that their "breeder' that they want to give away or something because they don't have papers because a young bernese mated with the in heat girl. Anyway, I am a responsible gal and said no, my home is too small and I don't want the responsibility. That and Eric and I want that type of dog when we have acreage etc.
I love me some aminals. I love pet sitting. Its amazing since I never was raised with animals.
On a boring side note, there is something in the throat, i can feel it, but i can't get rid of it... Stupid piece of matzah or the likes.
Buby is off the wall this visit. Its not pleasant at all. Mom is her own pile of lack of coordination and memory. She says its cause of the fibromyalgia. Its hard to see everyone I'm related to lacking mental skills and having so many medical issues.
I miss my dogs, I need furry aminals to love here. I did face the iguanas here and fed them. Seeing them eager for food and such meant alot...coconut hasn't i mean hadn't eatten like that for a long time. Pickles is looking fabulous. He shows zero age at all. He's 10 and I think he will make at least 15 without a problem. His cage he has now is downright a work of art. Mom says he's bit her a few times, or tried. He never did that with me. I took him out and had no problems either. Who knows, she's slow and not aware of a lot so who knows. Plus I had him next to marin who he wasn't attracted to at all, here he is in love with the two females. He had loved Coconut but she got so darn annoyed with him that i had t seperated them from seeing each other. She just wanted to cuddle with him while he wanted to get his freak on. So much like many human's lives....

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


Dude, I twitch. its weird. Its like the twitch before you go to sleep but I'm not going to sleep. If i am going to sleep its beyond a twitch, its like freaking kungfu. Its annoying.
I had found a blog that was good writing about a crazy chick date..damn I should have bookmarked it.. I wanna read more.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Using Every Ounce of Self Control

This is where the blog comes in handy. Today we had an insurance meeting. Our copays are going up. My lunesta will be 45 a month and my other two meds will be 25 each. I made a joke with the boss that I'm going off my meds. No I wouldn't do that. Sure I'm on antidepressants but that isn't what makes me a bitch at work. Boss knows about the Lunesta and its gotten my crap together as far as work energy and productivity. Also knows the debt I've recently accrued through car shit etc. Anywho Coworker who can't do shit for herself but is loved by all says, oh no Mindy, we'll all chip in to keep you on your meds.
Fuck you. They haven't ever known me off my meds and frankly I'm easier to deal with off the meds cause I'm sad quiet not energetic pissed. Why have I gotten worse in the last few years, because we have more employees, more for me to keep organized, more incompetence, remote workers who take the easy route and call instead of doing things themselves, more clients which leads to more calls, more bills, etc. I also have more responsibilities. I'm the goto gal. I also learned my coworkers are not my friends and I stopped pretending it was that way. I was stabbed one too many times. I need to go back to the girl who never visits the other rooms. Although I've been doing that recently and low and behold, no visiting me either. Once guy comes up, makes a funny face and I ignore it and he walks off.
We have more work, so the thought is that the employees need to do the work and not worry about the marketing or organization side. Well that's just going to screw you over in the end. You had that route for a few years, it turned into a big mess, we cleaned it up and now we are going to make it again. We have a sweet organizer that everyone loves yet no one notices that you can't really give her responsibility because she's missing a lot of the finer details. She's got too much going on her in head which all the things she does is admirable but I still have issues with the quality of some things that she does. I know, who am I to say stuff like that. I have my downfalls too, big time and when I started I made mistakes too.
I'm probably going on 6 months waiting for one guy to organize a file so I can deadfile it. Others just don't feel they need to follow the standard. I totally feel, even if its not real, that there are the cool kids at the office and I am not one. Its a cycle that just grows too. I get pissier each day. I've always been the odd one. Its lame but just my religious affiliation tosses me out. I'm inconvenient when I have my holidays. And I get shit every year about xmas. The next place I move to I am making a conscious effort to move to a Jewish area. Who knows what my job will be but at least I won't be the odd duck like I've been for the last 27 years.
Oh and I totally should have a parking spot now but alas Incompetent Girl needs her spot when she visits. G-d forbid she bends for anything. Bosses actually assume she needs it kept open, she assumed someone else would have gotten it. We're celebrating her visit on Wednesday. Glad I'm gone, if I wasn't gone I wouldn't attend. Its Passover, you won't see me scheduling a work event on Ash Wednesday. Let me watch you all eat and drink.
The more we grow, the less family we are, we've turned into a fraternity and frankly I don't want to be part of the pissing contest. I know I'd lose and I know I have my shit together but hell if once in a while peer pressure doesn't effect us. There are people who have their two side, profession and personal. I wish I could be one who had that split For years I wanted to be a number in a company. That personal touch I think is worse for my personality.
Arg. I guess I feel unappreciated, bosses appreciate me, that's nice but my peers just think I'm a pain in their ass. If I was incompetent I'd be loved and successful. The one guy who likes me is a guy who has a wife just like me. He also never really asks me anything, he tries to do it himself first.
Its my job to serve. Its not in my personality. I'm an incharge kinda a person. According to my parents they had me be part of educational activities that promoted leadership, thanks, its made me miserable.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

I done gone and got creative dis week..

Pall Malls, a painful way to smoke

My lawn is officially mowed, or is it mown, well all I know is its done and I avoided the annoying neighbor and his pall malls. i bought the damn mower from him and he hasn't let me alone with it yet, sure you could call it good business ethic, i call it annoying. I avoid my yardwork because I am avoiding him. Its very heathy.
I think i'll cook up some edamame and read today. I need to go to the asian market, the stinky seafood one at that, and get more veggie dumplings and edamame, i've never done it sans asian boyfriend. Although, he is home on the 23rd and may need a restock of food himself. No point in getting stuff before passover anyway. Besides my freezer is full of lunchicles. Lunchicles good, ice cream, better....

Friday, April 07, 2006

I met a girl

Okay so I have a girl crush. Not really but really. I met a girl yesterday through work. I think she is new to St. Louis city. She used to live way out in the county. I was instantly comfortable with her and totally thought she rocked. She mentioned she lives in the city, she's not married i noticed (aka not tied to the hip to someone) and thinks her enginerds coworkers are way boring and we are fun cause we are all creative....
She had mentioned her neighbors looked like the abandoned their home and she wanted to report their shitty home. I sent her a link and she said she called and someone is going to look into it. So she thanked me and I wished her a happy weekend. I totally hope we get the job we interviewed for so that I might meet her again. Seriously how crazy am I? Do i not totally have a girl crush? Okay I just think she'd be way fun to be friends with but I don't know shit about making friends.
So yeah, i have a crush on a gal... I'm an odd one. I also compliment friends on having boobs... big girls with no boobs makes me sad.... if you are proportionate you look good IMO. My family tends to look pregnant and non proportionate.
Anyway I need some energy. I've got the munchie but I think its a result of being tired/bored... I want to get crafty but i don't got energy yet.
There is an ad mentioning the Easter Parade... I love that movie... I've seen it way too many times as well as Summer Stock. Grandma had a tape of summer stock in the nursing home. Apparently it was one of her favorite movies too. I like me some gene kelly. I ought to add more of his stuff to my blockbuster list...

2 more hours

and i'm outta here... Its gorgeus out and I wanna be outside! I wish I had a book that I was into right now... I should hit up a library but I'm too lazy for that right now. My backyard is getting jungle like but I really don't want to take out the mower... Can i just weed wack the whole thing that way Pall Mall neighbor doesn't come by the see how the mower is going.
Come on bitches, bring me some margaritas, novels and fruit, its summer up in my shnizzle today.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Sleep is good...

I just got done a 3 hour nap. I feel sane again. I've not had such a lack of sleep bad moment in a while.... taking meds might be a good idea...
I'm hungry.... and my underwear is still inside out...

oh yeah its thursday

I just worked another insane day complete with me sleeping in, wearing underwear insideout and crying.
On the early drive home i remember today i was suposed to take coconut to the dr for a recheck. Then I remembered oh yeah, I killed her...remember, she took in too much water cause you didn't watch her....
i just took my meds like a good girl... I've not been very good....i'm pmsing...i need an ugly cry... why can't i remember that i tubbed her cause she looked like she was having renal failure or cause the dr told me to. Or they fact the dr saw a mass on her so that could have taken her shortly too as well as she may never have recovered from her respiratory infection which i take blame for but she was the one jumping off the shelf from the heat to the cold.
I think its time for a nap and hugging a dog. I just started sleeping two days ago...the lack could make me extra bonkers. I know it did back when I was a youngster in college.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Fuck me with a ladle

I just went in to check on coconut... yeah... she's not there and she's still the same. I'm doing better by having a picture of her on my computer. I still have guinea pig issues cause I never did that. I still miss daisy and its been almost 3 years I think... oh yeah... she died the same time as grandma, i miss her more...even if she does pee on me. Don't even get me into the food associations with both species.. My pets didn't have that prepackaged diet and we ate similair foods, it was agreat recycling I have issues starting the system, let alone tossing the "non edible" parts.
Riley is growling at the thunder and he's been working my last pmsing nerve. Gonna be a long night. Dr is telling me to pick up his water if he drinks too much...which he always does, i'm suposed to cut him off when he drinks too long at a time and later put it back down..thus far i haven't ass doesn't want to move from the couch...
I told limewire to stop running in the background, its not listening and my connection has been hella slow alot.
Trader Giato's red sauce, so not so exciting... i still have leftovers to eat and much debt to deal with so suck it up and eat.
Car is making a little funny sound at lights.. oh yeah a week and a half.
Got my plates taken care of for the car. Lets take bets for stolen time... the screws in the back won't even tighten, threads are gone.
That is all. Hey world are you there, its me judy blume...

Monday, April 03, 2006

no longer iguanagirl

i can't write about it but meghan did for me..
unfortunately I still get upset when I look at pictures of the pigs, I can't imagine about coconut....
my chest hurts....

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Kill, kill, kill the annoy boy...

Vent time... Vente Mocha... damn ex coffee server turned professional. So professional he isn't at all. So smart and has such foresight for 23. So glad we have him now otherwise we'd still be wander around in the dark with our fingers up our nose. Thank you wise one, we shall knock down the coliseum so that we can make new modern architecture history. You shall always have the last word and something to say to everyone's conversation even if it doesn't involve you. Sure I do it, we all do it but when I was new my balls were still little ovaries waiting to bloom.
Please, someone of some power shut him up, tell me I'm right, that he's a pompous ass. Tell me that something we spent $300,000 to save and keep a beautiful sight/site isn't going to become some hidden Cinderella to some modern monstrosity that is only en vogue with this falls fashion and then ugly and dated next fall.
Arg, shut the fuck up you flipping idiot, you need to be beaten into submission and when you call me a loser for telling you not to do something/everything professionally inappropriate don't whisper it on the way out, say it to my face so that I am sure that although you are enthusiastic with your infinite wisdom you are indeed a mistake invited into our lives and someone will right the wrong, or at least admit to me that they dropped the ball with an experiment... I'm learning some self control and shutting my own mouth with you but I want/need someone else to open their mouths before I explode and run over you with my car or knee you in the balls...