Wednesday, February 28, 2007

After Life comes...

So I read this book Stiff once. Totally made me loosen up about what happens to me after I kick it. I have enormous kick it issues but in aftermath, I don't care much. I'm not saying you can take my body to some necro freak but I'm not so concerned if my sig other wants himself cremated or tossed in a box. Me. I'd like to live forever but if not, use my organs as much as you want, take the left overs toss it in a take out to container and bury somewhere that no one will visit 100 years from now cause they won't know who i am.
So comments like this... are just great to me these days "When you die and you don't have any relatives, they just kick you to the side," Fouty said. "And now she's frozen. That just makes me cringe. That's not what she wanted at all. I'm just scared to death they're going to cremate her and stick her in a cemetery where she doesn't know anyone."
Know anyone... seriously? She wanted her body donated to science and thats not working out so well but I'm pretty sure she won't know anyone there either...ya know, there, the place of science.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Happy Friday Catholics everywhere...

So its meat for you guys... my work is very catholic so it comes up.
I'm not feeling the Truffle Shuffle so instead I leave you with religious wisdom of Mr. Izzard stolen shamelessly from other websites...

You know, Catholicism, we believed in the teachings of Cathol, and everything it stood for.

There’s something weird, something phenomenally dreary about Christian singing. The Gospel singers are the only singers that just go crazy going – joyous and it’s fucking amazing! And it’s born out of kidnapping, imprisonment, slavery, murder, all of that – and this joyous singing! And the Church of England, well, a – all those sort of Christian religions, which, uh – with – ah – which is mainly Caucasian white people, with all the power and money – enough apparent money to make Solomon blush. And – and they’re all singing, “Oh, God, oahhohh bied age is past, our hope for years…” They’re the only groups of people that could sing, “Halleluiah” without feeling like it’s a “Halleluiah!” thing. “Hal-le-lu-iah, Hal-le-lu-iah, joyfully we lark about.” And… No, it’s – it’s just not kicking, is it? You know. God must be up – must be up there going, “What on earth is that?” God, who is James Mason. “What on earth is that, Jesus? Jesus Christ! What on earth is that?” “Don’t take my name in vain, Dad!” “Jezee Chrizee, what on earth is that?” “Don’t call me Jezee Chrizee. Look Dad, I went down there, I taught ‘em to be hang out, be groovy, drink a bit of wine, they split into different groups! You’ve got the Catholics, the Protestants, the Jesuits, the Methodists, the Evangelicals, the free Presbyterians, the locked up Presbyterians…the Quakers, the Bakers, the Candlestick Makers... The Mormons are from Mars, Dad, we’ve had that checked out.” “And what does the Holy Ghost think of all this?” “Oh, he’s useless, Dad. Got a sheet over his head these days.” [Holy Ghost:] “Ooooh…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost!” [God:] “Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo!” [Holy Ghost:] “I would have succeeded if it wasn’t for those pesky God and Jesus fellows!”

Original sin! What a hellish idea that is. People have to go, “Father, bless me for I have sinned, I – I did an original sin – I – I poked a badger with a spoon.” “I’ve never heard of that one before! Five Hail Mary’s and two Hello, Dolly’s.” “Oh, all right…” “Bless me, Father, for I have slept with my next door neighbor’s wife.” “Heard it. I want an original sin.” “Oh, I’m terribly sorry.” The Anglican faith doesn’t have that. You’ll never go, “Vicar, I have done many bad things.” “Well, so have I.” “What shall I do?” “Well, drink five Bloody Mary’s and, uh, you won’t remember.”

Thursday, February 22, 2007

What would you do...

If a neighbor who you don't talk to starts leaving a yippy dog out all night long.... The barking is keeping me up, disturbing my dogs who are then having a conversation with said dog

2 am -Poodle mix: "yo, I'm left outside bitches"
Riley: "Sista I hear ya, I'm stuck in this here bedroom"
Me: "Shut up Riley"
3 am -Poodle mix: "Let me in, its 3 am, I must be lonely"
Riley: "I'm lonely, I'll love you"
Me: "Shuuut up!"
4 am -Poodle mix: "Its 4 am, I'm still out here...hello!?!"
Riley: "Hey guys, do you hear that dog, we need to let her in"
Me in Lunesta filled stupor: "Shut the Fuck up"

Me, 6:45 am: "Fucking alarm, why don't I feel rested"

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

1 hour project, 45 minutes of barking

Last night I made Boo some decor for his potty room... His place needs a few things that I picked up yesterday... a woman's touch you know... one thing I decided is he's creepy...too many pics of me around...he needs more art to set it off, not that there are pics in his bathroom, there aren't. I'm not all that great but he seems to really like me... maybe cause I'm his first girlfriend... Before we dated I thought twice about it... I always seemed to be people's first girlfriend (which gets old quick)... and by people I mean guys because I don't like to eat tuna.... People who have dated before know better than to put up with my shit. Anyway, I made the below... it was pretty easy and I used my cricut die cut machine for the blocks... and had everything else besides the frame that I got for like 3-4 bucks at the land of the great unwashed. Mr. Riley however doesn't approve of the cricut and barked when I used it.. He wasn't so bad about it when I first got the machine but now its definitely an issue.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Dude how will i ever move to TX?

So I'm in GA and let me tell ya, I may murder some southern girls. I got stuck watching 5 yayas from Birmingham at the airport. Their flight was going to be delayed and they were frantic on how they'd get home. It was 1 grand yaya, her 3 or 4 daughters and two granddaughters. I had no idea what the 6 year old yaya was saying with her accent. She mind as well had been speaking Swahili and I would have gotten what she said better.

During their franticness before the flight they called every Mama, Brother Billy and Uncle Ted. They drove me bonkers. Finally it was time to get on the plane... oh yes, i was next to the grand yaya. She called Uncle Vernon and went bat shit crazy at cousin Luanne who wouldn't "by G-d, sweet Jesus put her Uncle Vernon on the phone."

One hundred and 10 minutes later we were in Atlanta and I was running away from the southern gals as fast as I could.

Boo and I met up and went to the hotel where our room was as big as my house. Also there was a cheer event with tons of bubbly girls and some sporting event where I had to listen to teenage boys talk about sloppy seconds. Me, 100 cheerleaders from the south and their mama's... not a good mix. My womb has closed shut and I'm moving off to Alaska.

We went to the ATL aquarium which was awesome. Again, more southern belles, their mama's and daddies.... It was to say a long day..... It was a great day that ended on the riverfront with alcohol and seafood..oh during the day, fish at dinner....Wrong...but delicious.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

Alphabet Meme (seen at Kara):

A- Available or Single? Nope… you wouldn’t want me anyway… I’m complicated

B- Best Friend? Kara and Duane - Cream and coffee ha!

C- Cake or Pie? Pie

D- Drink of Choice? Diet Barq’s

E- Essential Item? Underwear…Take a note Brit.

F- Favorite Color? All of them.

G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Red and white worms

H- Hometown? Warminster,PA

I- Indulgence? Scrap/Craft items

J- January or February? January

K- Kids and names? Do pets count? Simon, Riley, Mildew

L- Life is incomplete without…? Whipped Cream

M- Marriage Date? Well apparently this is the 2000s and I shouldn’t be ashamed to be living in sin.

N- Number of Siblings? One brother. He whom we will not speak of.

O- Oranges or Apples? Apples

P- Phobias/Fears? Mice, Rats

Q- Favorite Quote? Used to be “if you want to hear the pitter patter of little footsteps I’ll put shoes on my iguanas.” Now it seems to be “I want a banana” Eddie Izzard… not really good for much but making me repeating it a zillion times.

R- Reasons to smile? Again, whipped cream.

S- Season? Fall

T- Tag 3 people? Nah, but feel free to steal and pass on.

U- Unknown Fact About Me? Oh the places I could go. But if I tell you it won’t remain unknown plus, totally not appropriate for sharing on the internet.

V- Vegetable You Hate? Water Chestnuts

W- Worst Habit? Grinding my teeth

X- Xrays You’ve Had? Shin Splints, Teeth

Y- Your Favorite Foods? Mac & Cheese, Olives, Whipped Cream, Pirrogis, Chinese Dumplings. Basically the starch family.
Z- Zodiac? Libra



Yay for rain

I'd just like to say yay for the rain. Sure it may turn in to horrible snow that will keep us housebound til July or if STL would plow sooner, tomorrow.... but right now my car is getting clean and I'm happy about that. I have some car work I need to do relating to wiper fluid not coming out and yes, i do have fluid. Unfortunately/Fortunately my days seem to be full this working thing and early evenings too so I haven't gotten to fix it. So for our, I say woohoo for rain.

Monday, February 12, 2007

A little evil...

I drive to work down a road which says no parking on one side....people park there and not just ones dropping their kids off at the private school across the street. This morning as I crabbed down the road, weaving in and out of parked cars and traffic, I noticed the maroon mini van that is always parked there has a broken side mirror. Sure its probably been like that for a while but noticing it made me happy. It probably was totally hit while parked on the road. Move your damn mini van people, there isn't room for the drivers and the parkers and there are signs declaring it!

Tales from the SMRT file....

Know how we are are product of our raising sometimes? My dad had a lint remover... it had no lid and so to use it you just turn it on and go. I now have the same but with the lid. Without thinking this morning I used it with the lid on and couldn't figure why it wasn't working... Obviously I figured it out and removed the clear lid but i for a second I couldn't figure how hard I must have been dropped on my head to not notice the lid still being on. Then I realized, it was totally because I was used to the lidless one in my youth.
I'm smart man, SMRT.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Pretending to be more sophisticated than I am.

For this week's Truffle Shuffle I'm sharing this week's creations of "Hooray for me Gloves" in Trekking Yarn. Its more exciting than most anything else thats happened this week... ANYTHING..... I did change up my second hand to do a regular bind off versus the patterns call for a ribbed bind off. The first glove has it and the fingers are a bit tight.

This weekend is going to be a crafty celebration with some out of towners tomorrow and a knitting with food event on Saturday. Don't tell me I don't know how to pahrtay...

The Minor Waltz – Asylum Street Spankers
Why you wanna treat me so bad? Prince
Pachelbel: Canon in D –Orpheus Chamber Orchestra
Entr’ Acte – 42d Street
Strauss – Also Sprach Zarathustra – New York Philharmonic
Too Hip, Gotta Go- Stray Cats
Unskinny Bop – Poison
Lose Control- Missy Elliot
Scandal Walk – George Gershwin
Red Velvet - Outkast

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

That time I couldn't concentrate

So i have bumps on my eyelids from my contacts. Its a normal thing, just annoying. Sometimes I should let me eyes rest and them lessen. Since my allergies have increased I don't wear my glasses as much because it puts pressure on my sinuses. So i wear the contacts more, the bumps don't get to heal much and my contacts are basically bandaids. So at night before bed I take off the bandaids and its annoying. I should probably let them air out more. The point of this. Nothing. Just thinking, venting. My eyes are annoying me.
I was crazy busy at work today, i stayed late and skipped lunch. I have a small attention span right now but am trying to chill out before bed. My mind is all jittery like its got too much too do much like my work day after 10 or 11 this morning. Seriously it started of so innocent, I had chores to do, was even thinking of doing some touch up painting of the walls in the office. Then poof, insanity. I've also got Lily Allen's LDN stuck in my head. She was on SNL this week which is how i discovered her. If you google her though, she looks like a 16 year old thuggette... So that is all, bumpy lids, crazy work, thuggette.

And thats when they all turned into cartoons

So I take lunesta. I love it. I can tell when suddenly I'm going to pass out and I do it happily. The other night I must have been thinking of Batman the movie or something because suddenly Christian Bale and a handful of other people turned into cartoons ala Fairly Oddparents right before I fell asleep. Totally trippy. Totally entertaining.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Friday Truffle Shuffle

So this week I've done squat.. actually that's not true. I finally got my cuff of my glove done and am half way done knitting the hand and I finished a skinny book. I also redeemed an amazon gift card and got a chair I've wanted for outside/inside...and some Eddie Izzard dvds. I'm very tired. Each night I just want to go to bed after work and have no attention span. I've been running on a few weekends where i feel like i haven't "caught up" on sleep and energy. Sleep is so boring though.... I could be watching cartoons or being crafty... or vacuuming...cause i got a new nifty little vacuum and my damn cat keeps tracking litter out of the other cat's litter box...

Anyway not much to report except that big thing of today. I can finally pull my hair back in a ponytail, one, not two as i normally sport. Its not as cute but sometimes my neck hurts from the pigtails. It limits my ability to move my neck in certain positions.

Yada yada yada, boring stuff, here's the shuffle.

  1. Up Jumps the Boogie – Timbaland and Magoo
  2. Give ‘er – Peaches
  3. Genius of Love – Tom Tom Club… seriously, they love me……
  4. Whatta Man – Salt N Pepa and En Vogue
  5. Loser- Beck
  6. Edge of Seventeen – Stevie Nicks
  7. The Pusher – Steppenwolf
  8. Double Oh-Oh – George Clinton
  9. The Sweetest Thing – Lauren Hill
  10. Get What you Need - Jet

Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Jaded

So its an interesting comment on society or on me, Shoes the way I respond to a situation. 50 years ago when your neighbor cleaned you car off of snow it was a "nice ole Mr. So and So." And when he planted a fake flower garden behind you he's so funny that Mr. So and So...

And when he says he's just trying to look out for ya like an uncle cause you are obviously a weak single girl.. you'd appreciate it...

Nope, not me..leave me the F- alone! Now its "fucking creepy guy cleaning of my car" and "dude, I hate fake flowers and don't give a rats ass about my alleyway." 50 years ago I'd also have 5 children and a husband and a drinking problem so this just wouldn't happen.

I totally heard him doing my car when I went outside in my Pjs to let the dogs out. I dismissed it as me being crazy... nope, not this time... I avoid so much of my yard because I don't want him to bug me. I have a pile of ivy i want to pull because I think there are cinder bricks under it and thats collecting water and bringing mosquitos but there is no way I can do it without him bugging me and trying to talk or help.

I'm jaded. I don't want help or a Pall Mall smoking uncle. Maybe if I told him I was jewish he'd run away...but then well, my life could be in danger.. yeah.... I'm wrong.. I know...