Friday, February 23, 2007

Happy Friday Catholics everywhere...

So its meat for you guys... my work is very catholic so it comes up.
I'm not feeling the Truffle Shuffle so instead I leave you with religious wisdom of Mr. Izzard stolen shamelessly from other websites...

You know, Catholicism, we believed in the teachings of Cathol, and everything it stood for.

There’s something weird, something phenomenally dreary about Christian singing. The Gospel singers are the only singers that just go crazy going – joyous and it’s fucking amazing! And it’s born out of kidnapping, imprisonment, slavery, murder, all of that – and this joyous singing! And the Church of England, well, a – all those sort of Christian religions, which, uh – with – ah – which is mainly Caucasian white people, with all the power and money – enough apparent money to make Solomon blush. And – and they’re all singing, “Oh, God, oahhohh bied age is past, our hope for years…” They’re the only groups of people that could sing, “Halleluiah” without feeling like it’s a “Halleluiah!” thing. “Hal-le-lu-iah, Hal-le-lu-iah, joyfully we lark about.” And… No, it’s – it’s just not kicking, is it? You know. God must be up – must be up there going, “What on earth is that?” God, who is James Mason. “What on earth is that, Jesus? Jesus Christ! What on earth is that?” “Don’t take my name in vain, Dad!” “Jezee Chrizee, what on earth is that?” “Don’t call me Jezee Chrizee. Look Dad, I went down there, I taught ‘em to be hang out, be groovy, drink a bit of wine, they split into different groups! You’ve got the Catholics, the Protestants, the Jesuits, the Methodists, the Evangelicals, the free Presbyterians, the locked up Presbyterians…the Quakers, the Bakers, the Candlestick Makers... The Mormons are from Mars, Dad, we’ve had that checked out.” “And what does the Holy Ghost think of all this?” “Oh, he’s useless, Dad. Got a sheet over his head these days.” [Holy Ghost:] “Ooooh…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost…Holy Ghost!” [God:] “Holy Ghost, this is not an episode of Scooby Doo!” [Holy Ghost:] “I would have succeeded if it wasn’t for those pesky God and Jesus fellows!”

Original sin! What a hellish idea that is. People have to go, “Father, bless me for I have sinned, I – I did an original sin – I – I poked a badger with a spoon.” “I’ve never heard of that one before! Five Hail Mary’s and two Hello, Dolly’s.” “Oh, all right…” “Bless me, Father, for I have slept with my next door neighbor’s wife.” “Heard it. I want an original sin.” “Oh, I’m terribly sorry.” The Anglican faith doesn’t have that. You’ll never go, “Vicar, I have done many bad things.” “Well, so have I.” “What shall I do?” “Well, drink five Bloody Mary’s and, uh, you won’t remember.”


Blogger Roni JJ said...

“What shall I do?” “Well, drink five Bloody Mary’s and, uh, you won’t remember.”


1:37 PM  

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