Damn you video games

I've been playing Death Spank 2 Thong of Virtue all week. I don't play video games, I don't play rpg long ass quests of running around.. I don't keep track of inventory and if i have the best armor on.. And if I keep telling myself this it may be true.. This game is all of these and I am playing at the easy level but I'm in love with it and totally addicted.
If you have playstation or xbox live and have a wrong twisted sense of humor I highly recommend this 15 dollars worth of entertainment. If killing evil nuns, retreiving magical unicorn poop, and eating tacos to regain energy isn't your thing... well, you are probably not reading my blog.

Mortality

As I lay in bed this morning I was thinking about mortality. When i think about it i get nauseous, i can't move, i get chills throughout my body. When I was little I used to pray to my deceased grandfather asking for him to show me, tell me, that there is something else in the world. I'm not just going to fertilize the ground someday. My mother taught me thats all there is. I plan to lie to my kids about there being something else. They will make their own decisions one day but no 6 year old needs to hear that there is nothing after you die. Oh you live on in memories, woopty doo.
I also realize as I think this stuff that I'm a killer. Really, I'm okay with it. As I am going through the process of death my last grandparent, people are not following the living wills or hopes expressed by the individual. It sickens me. It sickens me when people try to extend someone's life not for that person but for their own needs. I am also okay with Dr. K and his actions. Its a big statement. Its not that I'd do it.. but if a family and individual has decided together, that I'm okay.
I could tell you about my other views about pre birth but then I'd get bombed and I'd rather not.
I could also tell you my view on pets. There are some who get new pets before their older ones pass. I'm not that person. I think its a disservice to my faithful companion who i know i value too much because of my lack of human kids. It came up in discussion yesterday, luckily my partner feels the same.
As my parents go through the mortality of their own parents they cannot deal with their own. It would be a blessing if they planned and made choices now but such is not in the stars. I believe I take after my father's side, the one with mental decline for 20 years, not my mother, my brother takes after mom's side and thus gets the curse of rheumatoid arthritis. Half a dozen of one, for half a dozen of another. I am terrified of my dementia, alzeimers future, and I will go through the same as my parents are going through now, I wonder will I do the same to my children?