Viduy

At Yom Kippur we start again for a new year. It’s like new years resolution without the drunkenness. At the end of the holiday I feel calm, refreshed, and reflective. As we say the Al cheits, we cover things that we all do in our day. I gossip, I slander….. Even as I pray for forgiveness I can’t help but still judge others, how can she wear furry bright pink flip flops to synagogue? Why bother coming so late to the service? How can we reflect on ourselves and then cut each other off to get out of the parking lot?
How often do we complain or gossip about something over and over again, thinking we will get it out of our system? Does it get out of our system or does it feed itself to a bigger pile of anger? If you stop complaining or gossiping do you not have anything to say? Its okay, be silent. It takes time and effort but things will change. If all you can see is the bad that you want to share, take a moment, do something for someone else. You may be stacked a mile high with responsibility but instead of taking two hours to “relax” push yourself to do good for someone or something else. In the end, it will “relax” your soul more.
Today, I feel refreshed, the fasting has made my body feel fresh too. Coffee, unappealing, crazy I know. I take Yom Kippur very seriously. I think everyone needs a YK in their life, no matter their religion. A time with so much silence that you cannot help but judge and think about your motions in life. We won’t stop anything completely but to lessen or try has it value. It’s a day where I enjoy discussing what we have covered in synagogue. Think about my actions and future actions. I think about my future family and their role in that day. I cannot help but miss my partner during this day. I want to talk with him, discuss with him, share with him.
The rabbi discussed this concept, don’t try to fix all the sins you commit, pick one or two. Who knows, you pick one, maybe improve on it and next year pick another. I’d love to share with you the al cheits but its hard to find on the internet.
Last year my faith was tested. This year, my faith is strengthened. I sit at synagogue and I get distracted. I think about my children to come, will they accept Judaism? Will they be uncomfortable because of their different race to their peers? I get distracted and excited when I saw the two grown black men praying their darndest at shul. I enjoy seeing the families that are just darn excited to be together and there. That is how the children learn to love their religion. Its got to be fun for them. If their parents don’t want to be there then they won’t either. I enjoyed the sense of community at this synagogue. Sure my kids probably won’t go to Jewish day school although I wouldn’t mind it but perhaps doing more activities in synagogue and Hebrew school they may find it a joyous place to be at. I’ve been searching for a place in this world since I was little. I went to children’s services looking for it and still continue to search for my place. I may not find it but I hope that perhaps when I have kids I can help them find a place to fit within the synagogue community. They say that we don’t just raise our children, our community does too. I would like to know my community rather than leaving it up to whoever finds their way to my family’s life.
So rounding out this reflection I want to say that I now plan to do one more of the things I hope to do in life. I’ve always wanted to make a sukkah. So tonight or tomorrow, I’m off to home depot, I’m gonna make me a sukkah. I’m going to pull my lame squash plants and used them to decorate it as well as my purple monkey grass to thatch the roof. It’s supposed to be 95 degrees in St. Louis which will make it a lot nicer to dine in than the 60 degree weather recently.