Friday, May 15, 2009

Effing poopholes...

Winners, I come from straight-up winners. The dynamics of my family is weird. On the one hand mom is my grandmother's caretaker from the second she wakes up til she goes to bed. My grandmother still lives at her home with a helper. My mom's difficult and bossy, ahem, unlike anyone else i know. She is also completely reliant on her mother. Before she had her stroke they called each other multiple times a day etc. So when it comes to my grandmother perhaps there is sometimes too much attention or too high of expectations. So my mom drags her to her home when perhaps she should stay at her own home, same with synagogue for high holidays. I am not returning to PA this year for Rosh Hashanah for that reason. I want to go to synagogue and pray, not deal with mood swings, bathroom issues, and travel. Unlike my mother the holidays aren't just about ritual, i'm there with a purpose. My mother's an aethist jew... its about the traditions for her and when we repent at Yom Kippur she turns around and does that which we repented for before we leave the synagogue because the content means nothing to her. It does to me and so I stopped returning to PA for YK because I needed that day of self reflection and repentance.
Anyway, I also have swell males in my house, self centered ones. So, my mother brings grandmother to her house for mother's day, grandmother falls while trying to get up the stairs and can't get up. Neither male that was there would help get her up. They just hid in their fucking rooms pretending that it wasn't happening and then said no to my mom when she asked for help. The situation is uncomfortable and I understand that. She cries and screams and such but fuck, be decent human beings, suck up your discomfort and help a fucking fallen 80 something year old up. My mother had to go to the neighbor for help. I don't think my mom should be bringing her to her house but she did and she fell, so they should have helped. Ask me why I'm 900 miles away. So that i can be my own sort of evil. I'm not there to help but at the same time but I'm also not becoming the crazy evil that is my family. And yet, while my mother stopped believing in G-d when her father died, my belief isn't shaken when I ask why he hasn't taken my grandmother to where she'd be comfortable and at peace.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

i should be thousands of miles away, but am not. instead i'm 3, but never go there. my mother and grandmother had the same relationship. we could swap stories. just over a year ago, my grandmother found peace... but, now...the spotlight is aimed at me.... just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone.

12:32 PM  
Anonymous Big J said...

Reflect on this though: would you have rather had this situation, or the one I had? I consider you lucky, if not some form of Bizarro-world lucky. Oh, and I would help Bubby up anytime.

4:15 PM  
Anonymous Big J said...

Oh, and btw: "The dynamics of my family is weird." So is your grammar ;) And yes, I realize I'm going to get beat for that one, or get ball-stomped by Simon.

4:17 PM  

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