Letter to me and then some

Thank you for contacting prominant website regarding the cancellation of order #666.

Due to the volume and rapid processing of orders received at our warehouse, we were unable to cancel your order. We certainly apologize for this inconvenience. For future reference if you act very quickly after placing an order you may be able to cancel it. Or we will send you an auto response an hour later and then you must respond to that again before we actually read your email.

I have contacted our warehouse with a request to intercept your order before it is shipped. If we are unable to intercept your order, you will receive an order confirmation e-mail stating that your order has been shipped. I shall now switch tenses and make it seem like there is still hope. Um , no, oops. If the order is shipped, please visit our help pages using the following link and complete the instructions for initiating your return: Again, your order was shipped but I must pretend that it might not ship.

blah blah blah

Your refund will be processed as soon as we receive the returned shipment. Please allow 30 days from the date of the return for processing your refund.

For future reference, you may act quickly (usually within 30 minutes of placing the order) to cancel an order.BTW you are the dumbass who ordered twice although our site for some reason made it seem like your order didn't go through. To do so, click the Your Account link located on any prominant website page; when your account information appears, select Orders. When your orders list appears, choose the order you wish to cancel by clicking the order number. On your order detail page, simply click the Cancel Order link near the bottom of the page (under the blue "print order" button). BTW it appears your orders have been shipped yet. I know I know, you are going WTF by now.. Lets just play a game and see if you get twice as much product as you need.

Again Ms. Crap thank you for contacting prominant website. We appreciate your business!