Bugger

So its not a secret that I am on anti depressants. Personally I think I have my depression better in check than anyone I know. This lifelong depression and my acceptance of it and taking care of it keeps me from being kosher for adopting from the country I want to adopt from, also the country of my husband's family. We recently found out that we also will need to wait two years til we could technically apply for said child.. With waits of about 35 months for actual getting of kid that leaves me about about 34/35 to do something I've wanted to do since I was 24. Not that I wanted it at 24 but I knew I wanted to adopt. We have some friends who like to talk kids and I have stated I am not ready. But suddenly knowing the additional wait as well as the depression issue I suddenly have this side that doesn't want a kid today but find another 5 years is a slight bummer. Weird, going from not wanting kids yet to find myself bummed out at the idea of waiting for that long of a time is so weird.