Sunday, November 16, 2008

Well poo

So lately I'm seeming to pretty much not being what people want/expect of me in friends, family and work. Not really sure what to do about it. Probably one thing would be use the phone but as of late most words that come out of my mouth are dumb. And the phone is my phobia. If you know me, you know that. When I get nervous i made stupid jokes that make no sense. Its been happening a lot, like multiple times a day. Not sure what the deal is. I know some of is what others are expecting of me ain't gonna happen or is just getting extreme. Work has gone extreme and I'm missing deadlines left and right but they are deadlines that just aren't feasible. I think the boss is having issues on his own and things are getting away from him and its trickling down. Mom calling daily, extreme, and politely telling her to back off has not worked so now after being blunt to her she is pissed off, but dude, I don't need to hear about your bowels, at all, ever, period. And we know my house gets super disrupting with the phone and the barking dog so calling for your every stray thought does stress me out....
Mom has taught me nothing is ever wrong we just need more meds.. hence, all she talks to me is med stuff and nothing we can solve ourselves. Ha! So it does cross my mind upping my meds even if her view is pure crap. But maybe my issues are just part of life. Disappointing people is part of life, losing people, part of life. It ain't going to be fun. I'm just not faking the bacon much these days and I need to. I don't seem to get it going to get all worked up on things that have happened before. Buby getting dehydrated and having to go to the hospital happens every few months. So when I get an email from mom about it, I should have called. But I didn't. what can I say. What can I say that will help or hasn't been said before. I just don't know.
I guess its about communicating. I can't seem to communicate worth a damn and I can't communicate what I've said before. And in all the situations I just feel like a nag. I'm out of answers or the right things to say and I'm not sure how to fix it or if i have the ability to.


Blogger Shannon said...

Sometimes it isn't you. Sometimes it's them. I've learned that the hard way trying to figure out me and why *I* always screw up, and realized that all interactions are shared. So while I blunder a lot of relationships or work issues, it isn't 100% me all the time doing the screwing up or misinterpreting.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Shannon said...

So ya, let me wake up and translate that later. Haha. Point: don't be so hard on yourself. See the things you don't like about your communication style or whatever in your life, note them and try to work to be in a better place. Don't be so harsh on yourself. People kind of actually like you the way you are, and you can't be a pleaser to 100% of the world.

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Kara said...

Ditto. It's not always all your fault. You seem to do fine with most of us, so you can't always blame yourself.

I would hug you, y'know, if I did that sort of thing. :)

11:59 AM  
Blogger daiva e said...

Don't be so hard on yourself. We all do the best we can and we can't live out lives trying to keep others happy - that's their job. And communication works both ways.

10:14 PM  

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