Sweet goodness

So its 5:15 in PA, my mom go home at 2:30. Since then she has bitch bitch bitched, so let me spread the bitching. This is just in the last two hours....numbers are mom-ness.
1. You need to sew the turkey shut when you cook it
- me, did you tell me that, no then don't act like i'd know. I didn't actually say this but hell if it doesn't cross my mind.
2. We are having those left overs for dinner
-me, eating said left overs cause i needed lunch
3. I thought you were trying to watch your weight
-me, eating left over cookies from shower
4. Her, yell on phone forever as i try to nap about a microsoft word document to most insecure brother and things to do in STL while brother visits. Brother probably tells her when he takes a dump just so he can talk.
- she asked us to list stuff on our site, so we did, this stuff would be stuff to do so why are we remaking the list.
5. whats your websites address.
- great googamooga, our names, what names...........dude.....our nicknames for each other, assfaceandbutthead.com, no, not really.
6. I'm on the phone and trying to take care of the iguanas, can you take the phone or take care of iguanas
- me still trying to nap, I have a migraine and i have no idea what she is on hold for.
7. Can you bring iguanas to kitchen for food
- me still trying to nap
8. Instructed to go find out temp of turkey but not open lid because there is an outside temp gauge.
- i tell her, she then asks how the turkey looked.... dude, i didn't look like you said.
9. she lets iguana A loose and calls other iguana B...
- A would like to do dirty stuff to B, I'm waiting for the mad insanity cause its not my job to prevent her stupid moves. Iguana B is also not going to "come"
10. Are you going to take your balloons home with you?
- really? come on, now you are just fucking with me.. I'm flying home and they are just balloons... ahhhhh maybe thats why all the closets are stacked full of crap here.

I thought this was my last year home for Rosh Hashanah. Something about age, tickets to synagogue and getting married. But she informed me i can get tickets for $36 bucks and keep coming in... whoopie! I don't get why she wants to keep doing holidays. Come to me, let me do them. I am a) not crazy b) not a constant state of worn outness, and c) younger. I can cook, i can do it all and not command her around. Its her way or the highway...but my highway is actually closed and I am not allowed to take it...damn....